They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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