im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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