either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
