Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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