Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
home. puking in laundry basket.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
