i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
