Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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