Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
