I'm really into asian looking animals
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Randomize
