I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
