I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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