Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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