i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
