I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
