i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
