There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
