Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
