Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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