So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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