As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
