I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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