My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
