Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
