the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
