I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
