sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
