break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
