I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You ruined the universe
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
