Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
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Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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