My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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