We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
