I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
