forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
