Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize