yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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