Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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