and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
