We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
