Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
