I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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