HIV tests are more positive than that guy
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
