we have pet lesbian snakes
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
