omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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