Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
