God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
