Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I currently don't understand fingers.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
