I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
