I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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