I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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