Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
