When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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