OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
