doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
