I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
