i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
