I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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