remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
