if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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