so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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