Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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