After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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