i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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