i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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