Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
