I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
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i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
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I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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