i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
