you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pee on everything he values.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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